Pizza by the Peso

Outside of the Southwest you may have missed this little tidbit. The pizza chain, Pizza Patron has started a new promotion whereby they are accepting Mexican Pesos as payment for pizza. The owners of the chain say that many of their customers are Mexican-Americans who come back from visiting family and have 30 dollars worth of pesos left over. What do these customers do with the pesos? They don't go through the work of exchanging such a low amount and they forget to take them when they go to visit family next time. So now they can buy pizza with it, and Pizza patron can sell more pies. Little did the Pizza Patron people know that they'd be thrown right into the brewing immigration-nationalism debate. On the side of the pro-native of the debate there are everything from impassioned pleas to almost blatant racism wrapped in the trappings of scholarly work.

Samuel Huntington is one who fits the latter category. He has argued that the United States is not a melting pot country. In fact it is a society based on the ethics of White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. In his book, Who Are We?, he argues that what makes America strong is this ethic or creed. So, all non-WASPs must just take a back seat and assimilate into the culture. He is probably aghast of a restaurant chain that takes a Catholic Italian cuisine and sells itself to Latinos. Outside of the entrepreneurialism, there is nothing in his American creed about it.

Others are attempting to define their Americanism by an attempt to ignore the basis of any American creed – the Constitution. Such groups as the Federation for American Immigration Reform (www.fairus.org) are seeking to remove the jus soli (law of territory) from the American Constitution when it comes to citizenship. The Fourteenth Amendment says, "All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States . . ." Yet, to these people contains a "loophole," whereby illegal immigrants can come to the United States and have a baby. Once that baby turns 21 they can bring more people into the United States who are blood relatives. (Oh yeah, so many people plan 21 years in advance!) And, the Constitution doesn't have loopholes; it's the Basic Law of America. That's like claiming the Ten Commandments has loopholes!

Now let us return to these Pizza Patron guys. 45 percent of their franchise owners are Latino; 60 percent of their customers. So what has this peso promotion done? Unbalanced the American economy? Encouraged Mexicans to cross the border? No, it's a way to sell more pizza. Grocery stores accept each others coupons; gas stations give away free car washes; and, Laundromats allow you to dry for free. This is just a promotion to get people to buy more pizza.

But no, there are idiots out there who find this offensive. They claim it's un-American. I read one guy who said it was a slap in the face to the values of the American Dream. Such people believe that somehow a pizza shop is destabilizing the American community by accepting pesos.

But, as always there are bigger morons. There is a great Simpsons' episode where they have decided to split Springfield into two Area codes. At the town meeting about such an innocuous thing, Homer shows up with dynamite strapped to his body. So, au Homer Simpson, people have sent death threats to Pizza Patron for accepting pesos. DEATH THREATS!! FOR A PIZZA PROMOTION!!!!

So I decided to review the logical reasons why one may be offended enough to send a death threat to a pizza place. I then intended to break them down and show why maybe death threats take things to far. Unfortunately, I cannot come up with any logical reasons.

Instead, let's look at illogical reasons. First, perhaps there is nation honor at stake? One should not accept a foreign currency in the domestic market. This is hogwash for two main reasons. One, you always accept foreign currencies, where convenient. All over Maine you can spend Canadian dollars, and I assume this is so in upstate New York, Michigan and other places. National honor is not a stake in international business. My second reasoning is the use of American dollars overseas. Land in London and the cabbie will take American dollars, Japanese Yen or Euros (he'll probably accept Mexican pesos, if he knows the exchange rate.) And, if say China did not allow people to deal in dollars who would pay for all the debt that the US accumulates in trade and budget deficits by funding Imperialist Wars in Iraq?

So to imperial wars goes national security. Is accepting pesos a national security issue? Will it crash the American economy? Now, I am not really qualified as to the theory of currencies and cash; but let us look at some general numbers. In 2004, the Gross Domestic product of the United States was $10.9 trillion, with a T. The amount of money in the economy, in its basic, form was $1.3 trillion. (The basic form is called M1, which includes the liquid assets of currency, traveler's checks, demand deposits and checkable deposits – NOW accounts, money market accounts, etc.) The GDP of Mexico was $942 billion – less than the money supply of the United States. If one was to convert all Mexican assets into cash and sent it all, ALL to the United States to buy pizza – it wouldn't match the money supply of the US. In a just slightly less likely scenario, every Mexican asset in M1 is transferred to cash and spent on pizza in the United States. Then you would have $86 billion worth of pesos in the US – that is 8 percent of the US currency supply. And, I'm pretty sure it would make Pizza America's largest economic sector.

But, we all know that people who see a pizza promotion and then there mind leads to DEATH THREAT, probably have no idea of economic theory beyond money buys stuff. So the real reason is immigration! Cuz you know I will leave my country cross a river and two deserts just to be able to go to a chain pizza place that will accept dollars. Or, perhaps they are worried that it will make illegal immigrants able to shop out in the open. Because we all know illegal immigrants feel ashamed that they can't use their pesos. Oh wait, they don't have pesos. They have jobs in the US where they get paid in dollars! If they had large amounts of pesos THEY WOULD HAVE STAYED IN MEXICO where they obviously have a good job!

The long and short of it is: people don't like Mexicans because they are neither white nor Protestant. Huntington and others attempt to use positivist analysis to show why it's okay to be racist. And, they actually speak for a portion of the population. Those such as FAIR who feel that their racism is more important than the Constitution and that when a pizza shop tries to sell more pizza the logical response is DEATH THREAT!

While I probably shouldn't lump all right-wing racists together, I'm going to just like they have since the 1920s, you know "liberalism equals communism" or today "liberals love terrorists." "A vote for Democrats or Greens emboldens the terrorists!" Well, screw them. Here it is: "A vote for conservatives means a vote for people who kill pizzeria owners!" I got evidence. Conservatives don't like immigration; people who don't like immigration send death threats to pizzeria owners; therefore, conservatives support the killing of pizzeria owners!

So, as a White Anglo-Saxon/German of protestant descent, I would like to apologize to the owners of Pizza Patron. Most of us know you're just trying to sell pizzas. If I'm ever in the Southwest, which I try to avoid because they are willing to make death threats to pizza places, I will be sure to eat your pizza. Now, if I could just get Theo's Pizza in Somerville to accept the Canadian quarters the MBTA gives me – we'd be all set.